


Valenspine's Day

by deanau



Category: Steam Powered Giraffe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 21:52:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3356621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanau/pseuds/deanau
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rabbit and Hatchworth have a surprise for The Spine. Neither he nor Steve are particularly impressed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Valenspine's Day

**Author's Note:**

> this is (part of) my spg secret valentine's present for 4whoopiegoldbergsoutof5 on tumblr ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

The Manor was full of - well, honestly? It was full of crap. Steve groaned as he once more became entangled in a cluster of heart-shaped lights. Rabbit had gone overboard, and every empty doorway had become a spider's web of reds and pinks. Grabbing a handful, he pulled them down and left them on the floor, being careful to stomp on them as he passed.

A noise, somewhat similar to his own grumbles, filtered down the hallway. He squinted. Being led by his older sister, The Spine was blindfolded (with a pink strip of cloth, no less), and was tangled in an incredibly long paper chain. Hatchworth trailed behind the pair, bumbling merrily along; his eyes were unfocused, and he was carrying the end of the paper chain as though it was a veil.

Intrigued, despite his malaise regarding the festivities, Steve jogged over to the robotic train. Up close, he could see little love hearts doodled on The Spine's spines - he couldn't imagine that going over too well when he discovered them. Hatchworth clapped his hands together in excitement when he saw Steve, moustache bristling as his face plates shifted into a broad smile.

"Steve, senpai!"

"Hey, Hatchy. Um, should I even ask about The Spine?"

"No," The Spine grouched, frowning.

"D-don't listen to him, S-S-Steve! He's bein' a dummins. We're showin' him his surprise," Rabbit winked.

"Is the blindfold really necessary, Rabbit?" The Spine asked, even as he turned to Steve. "Help me," he mouthed. 

"How can you even tell where I am, dude?"

"Audioreceptors," he said, and tapped his ear. "Please?" he added.

"You got yourself into this," Steve laughed.

Pouting, The Spine replied, "Fine. I'd better get it over with, then." He tipped his hat politely, and nodded at Rabbit. "En avant," he said, with a slight smile.

"See! Yehr smilin'! You love it, Th'Spine," Rabbit gloated, clasping his shoulders once more so she could lead him down the corridor.

 

Manoeuvring The Spine into a chair, Rabbit whipped the blindfold from his eyes. After a moment of waiting for his eyes to adjust, he gasped.

"Is this - is this really the surprise, Rabbit? I thought it was going to be some sort of horrible joke!"

"Well," she smirked, "you ain't seen your r-room yet." Hatchworth giggled.

For his part, The Spine was too enraptured to care. Powered down on a table in front of him was, frankly, the cutest robotic animal he'd ever seen. It was a very small cat: silver, like him, but that was where the similarities ended. It had a tiny button nose, large eyes, and delicate ears. He leant forwards unconsciously, drawn instinctively to the creature. By nature, The Spine was a protective character - and this small animal, robotic though it may have been, made him want to care for it (despite the fact that it was wholly capable of looking after itself).

"How did you do this? Did you make it- wait, are they a he or a she?"

"Dunno yet, b-buddy. Didn't really think of it, to tell tha truth. But, yeah. Petes helped."

"You were all in on this? Why? You normally just tease me on Valentine's Day..."

"Oh, don't worry, pal. Plenty o' that coming your way, too. Heh. Hatchy said you were a bit of a softie, y'see, so-"

"I wanted to give you someone to cuddle, The Spine! You do look so lonely sometimes." Hatchworth interrupted. Rabbit, glaring at her brother out of the corner of her eye, continued:

"P-P-P-Petes wanted ta make ya a google-eyed dame. I s-says, 'Hey, buddy! Nu-uh. How'd you like it if a craaazy science guy made you a woman? Weirded out, that's what you'd be. Mm.' So we thought on it, r-right Tha Spine, and... came up wid this."

"They're adorable," he murmured, entranced. "Can I?"

"You may, The Spine." Hatchworth nodded.

He edged closer, eyes wide. Gently, aware of his large hands, he found a switch on the kitten's neck; upon closer inspection, he saw a small power symbol. He snorted, then eagerly pressed it.

 

Regular-sized Steve Negrete had lost Lil' Steve. He hadn't seen Big Steve in months - but Lil' Steve was considerably louder, and was thus less easy to lose. Peter Walter the Fifth had suggested that the smaller the body, the less easy it was for Steve to contain his opinions. Rabbit, on the other hand, had simply stated that he was a 'little too much', and was forwarding a complaint to HR. Maybe. One could never be certain what was a joke, and was not, when Rabbit was in any way involved.

It was because of this that he was, henceforth, looking for Lil' Steve. A very, very small part of him was concerned that Rabbit may have given up waiting, and had used her flamethrower on the poor guy. More than that, though - he missed him. And, as such, it was because of this that Steve was fairly near to the obscure room that the robots were in. Due to this, he heard a series of first strange, then alarming, noises.

"H-hey, lookit! The eyes are flashin'."

"Are they meant to be doing that?"

"I do not know if this was such a good idea, Rabbit..."

"I think it's malfunctioning. Rabbit, tell me honestly - this was a practical joke, wasn't it? You didn't actually make me a pet, did ya now?"

"...Noooo?"

A sigh. Quiet.

"Was it meant to attack me?"

"Oh, no, no, Th'Spine! It was meant to make a funny noise. That's all, p-promise."

"Spine, friend-o. It was not built to cause harm."

"Ta be fair, buckaroo, we didn't think ya'd get as excited as you did. Aren't ya a cutie, eh?"

The Spine's retort was lost, overridden as it was by the sound of a shriek. It was followed by a surprised gasp. Rabbit and Hatchworth. The Spine still said nothing. Then came two sounds, in rapid succession: loud bangs, one after the other. These were not great, explosive bangs, mind you - more like something heavy hitting the floor. Steve had no more time to ponder the matter, as his body was already propelling him towards the commotion.

The Spine was stood in the middle of the room, shifting from side to side. It seemed as though he was unsure as to what he should do - which sibling should he check on first? Or should he attempt to deactivate the cat? He stiffened when he heard footsteps approaching. Turning, he saw Steve dart into the room, and he instantly ran to Hatchworth's side. The Spine followed suit, crouching down next to Rabbit.

"What happened?" Steve called, peeling Hatchworth's jacket open. "And," he added, "has it stopped?" The Spine looked up from his sister, hand pasted to one of her cheek vents; out of which no steam had been expelled for the last minute.

"The cat - they made me a cat. That was the surprise. But it wasn't... It was a joke, it was meant to make a noise. Then it shot two lasers - it wasn't aiming, they ricocheted off the metal table it's on. They got hit, Steve. I don't know why."

"I think we need to take them to a lab, and get Peter. Hatchworth... he isn't doing anything, Spine."

"Neither's Rabbit. I should be able to carry them both."

"What about the - did you say it was a cat?"

"Yea-huh. Oh! I'll turn it off, it seems to have stopped now."

The Spine stepped towards the cat, stance defensive. As he advanced, the creature made a high-pitched beeping sound: with every step it increased in pitch. He paused. It shot another laser. Despite the fact that he was the one causing the cat's apparent agitation, it did not shoot at The Spine. It hit Steve.

Having seen what the laser could do to two (essentially) immortal beings, The Spine had nothing in his mind but fear for Steve. Robots could be fixed; humans, on the other hand, could not. He slammed his fist down on the creature - not only did he shut it off, but he also put a hole through the table on which it had been sat.

He crouched down next to Steve, and gently cradled his head in his hands. He squeezed his eyes shut in a feeble attempt to refrain from crying. It was useless - one slim tear dribbled down his cheek, and fell onto Steve's face. Steve blinked. The Spine, eyes still tightly closed, missed the minute movement. He did not, however, miss him slowly sitting up.

"Steve?" he asked, voice low and coloured with disbelief.

"Yeah, Spine?"

"How are you not-"

"On the floor, like these mooks?" The Spine nodded mutely, trying to discreetly wipe his eyes.

"I have another surprise for you," he grinned wickedly. "I'm a dragon."


End file.
